FREE ESSAY ON DRINKING REALITY

DRINKING REALITY

There is nothing in the world I love more than coffee, I thought. The aroma that calls you
from a million miles away. The bitterness it sends through your soul, filling you up;
giving you the warmth that you so desperately crave. And the darkness... the blackness
that reminds me all too much of my life. I didn't know what I was doing there, but
somehow it made sense. 
I skipped my first class that day. My first class ever. I didn't know why.... If I had to
think about it, I never knew why I did anything. All my life, I was guided and told what
to do by others. I never realized where I was going; I walked a tight rope of others
expectations thinking that if I ever took my eyes off what was ahead, I would fall. I
never even looked out to see if there was another rope.... Maybe one who did not have
such high expectations. I just hoped that my parents and friends knew best, and that I
was heading in the right direction. 
I sat at one of those coffee shops, where they pretend that the black stuff that they
sell you for three dollars a cup is really gourmet. I was sitting in an obscure seat, one
of the chairs that they put in just in case (if it gets too crowded). The place was
packed, as it normally is on a Tuesday morning. I sat judging everyone that came in. Who
were the people? Were they happy? I would have looked outside but I couldn't bare seeing
the overly happy newlyweds who were blocking my view of the window and prattling on about
how wonderful their day went yesterday and how marvelous today was going to be. For them,
it was just another beautiful (rainy and dreary) Tuesday morning. They were too wrapped
up with themselves to even notice anything or anyone else.
I sat there long enough to wait until everybody left and until the rain dripped to an
end. Even then, I didn't feel like switching to a better seat. I wondered what I was
going to tell my professor the next day, why I didn't come to class. I didn't know. I'd
never had to explain that to him. I bet that he had paused a few extra seconds to look
around the room to look for me before he marked me absent. 
I wondered why I was in the coffee shop in the first place. I was sitting all alone
wondering why I had ever walked out of my dorm room and instead of going to my test; I
skipped; and went to have coffee. This was the final test. My teacher made it clear to
all of us that if we didn't pass this test, we wouldn't pass the course. And another
thing, there were no 'redo's' if you were absent. I didn't know why I had skipped it. I
had studied the entire night before, even skipped going to a party. (Which, later that
night, I heard was a blast.) That was still okay for me because I was going to get Honors
in Physics. I was going to be best in the class. 
I didn't get honors. It took just one hour for me to go from passing with acclamations to
failing. But sometime, while I was sipping my black coffee, I realized that I hadn't
failed a test. I was on a path to fail myself. That morning I realized that if I was only
doing something for someone else, there was no point in doing it. I needed to be able to
say that I passed with honors because I wanted to, and I couldn't. I walked out of the
cafe with a new air to myself. I was refreshed and I had more self-confidence. If failing
one class was the payment to get my life back in order, I'd give a tip. I accepted the
consequences and although I was mildly disappointed that it ruined my final report, I was
happy because I was no longer traveling a tight rope being guided by others. I knew what
I wanted to do and I took on challenges not for others, but for myself.