FREE ESSAY ON HARRIET

HARRIET

DEAR READER: Opposites do attract. Differences can draw us like a magnet to the other
person. These same differences, however, may repel us later on. What initially attracts
us and what later becomes the problem are usually one and the same.
How does this work? If John feels a bit allergic to the high degree of togetherness and
emotionality in his Italian-American family, he may be especially drawn to a woman like
you, who models a position of emotional detachment and separateness. If you, for your
part, are a bit allergic to the distance and reserve in your WASP family, you may be
attracted to John's emotional and expressive style. But five years from now, he may
complain that you're too cool and distant, and you may complain that he's too involved
with his demanding family.
Am I predicting a gloomy future for your marriage? Of course not. Dealing with
differences is the central challenge in any intimate relationship. Some differences are
bound to make us feel angry, isolated, or anxious at times; but it's important to keep in
mind that differences are the only way we learn. If our intimate relationships were
composed only of people identical to ourselves, our personal growth would come to an
abrupt halt.
What matters is that you and John love and respect each other. Along with your
differences, I trust that you share important commonalties. Marriage works best when
partners share deeply held beliefs and core values. But in any close relationship,
differences will inevitably emerge-differences in our values, beliefs, priorities, and
habits, as well as in how we manage anxiety and navigate family relationships.
Talk openly with John about how your different ethnic backgrounds may shape your
marriage. Relationships get into trouble whenever we deny differences (or exaggerate
them, for that matter) or whenever we assume that our view of reality-or our way of being
in the world-is the only correct one. Respecting differences is the greatest and most
difficult of all human challenges
DEAR HARRIET: My sexist husband and I have different views about rearing our son, who is
4 years old. I want my son to be able to cry and express his feminine 
Bibliography
Italian-American family